Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
vagina is talking i cant
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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