Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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