I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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