oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
