The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
