i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
