..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
