No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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