Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
