can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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