my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
