Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
