she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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