what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
