You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
