New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
