Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He did a backflip because drugs
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
