If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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