I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
