explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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