Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
