i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
