I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
