She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
