your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
