This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
