I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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