I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Randomize
