fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
