don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Holy sore nipples Batman
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
