So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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