Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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