If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
