i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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