At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
