I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
