I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
