guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
