The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
