I puked a lego.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
