so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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