then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
