Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't want my vagina anymore.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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