My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
