I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
