DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
