I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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