She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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