You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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