I'm laying in your front yard are you home
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
